I respected Bryan Singer for The Usual Suspects and the first two X-Men movies, so I trusted him to treat the legacy of Superman with the reverence and artistic vision it deserves. Unfortunately, it turns out that Bryan Singer is just a sucky gay jerk. He went and turned Superman into a brooding, forgetable sadsack. Brandon Routh manages to nail the look and mannerisms pretty well and he’s a good lookin’ dude and all… but he simply doesn’t have the kind of story to work with that could impart him the respect and momentum of households names like Christopher Reeve and Hugh Jackman. I suspect that had the material been more befitting the spirit of the previous films he may even have the natural talent that it takes to fill the big red boots of the Man of Steel. Remember how unconvincing Val Kilmer was as Bruce Wayne? To Routh’s credit, the same is hardly true with regards to the steamer that Kilmer hatched. Then again, since even the casting was excellent this cinematic misfire is all the more tragic.

The sound, effects, cinematography, acting, and the lines were all great. Aside from the plot itself it was a great ride actually. In the end, they made a great movie with a really stupid plot with all sorts of stupid crap in there that’s sure to please anyone who thinks Oprah is a great show.

Real Superman movies are supposed to capture the excitement of Superman. He’s invincible! He can fly! Lex Luthor is a major pain in Superman’s inpenetrable ass. But this one fails make you wish that Superman could really be out there helping those of us who need to be saved. Half the wide-angled crowd shots in this turkey show people staring silent and slack jawed as Superman performs his amazingly heroic feats. If they don’t care enough to cheer, why should we?

These are supposed to be movies that make you believe that Lex Luthor is evil incarnate and millions of people could suffer in the course of his dastardly schemes. Returns phones in these vital aspects of the franchise by going through the motions without imparting any emotional involvement. Part of the problem with the plot is that they crammed it so full with sissy emotional boo-hoo’ing that they didn’t have room to give Lex an Otis to play off of and deliver some decent comedy along with all the suspense and drama.

We want Superman to be with Lois. We want that relationship to draw us into the action. Hell, where was his awesome ass power to kiss girls and manipulate their memories at the same time? That’s gotta be taboo on Krypton. Still, had Singer’s Superman just managed to get his freakin’ kiss (arguably, an obligatory prize) he could’ve just gone into Lois’ mind and replaced the guy from X-Men with memories of Clark Kent. Sort of a sick move, but Singer’s Superman totally lacks any ball; which is more sick? Who wants a movie about Superman getting cock blocked and then getting shanked by a kryptonite dagger? Wow, he sure was lucky that Lois Lane and Scott Summers decided to swoop by in their seaplan just in time to save his ass from drowning! This movie really sucked.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 1st, 2006 at 2:06 am and is filed under movies, reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.